Baby's Dad

I am in between eight and nine months of pregnancy. The dad got me pregnant and then as an excuse to not have to deal with it, he accused me of sleeping around. What a coward is all I have to say. Well, o.k. that's not all I have to say. I am closer to letting it go now than I was five months ago, but waking up to the baby bump every day doesn't help me to move on any faster. Instead it's a constant reminder of him. A reminder of why I gave so much of my time to him, why I allowed myself to care about him, why I slept with him, why I believed him when he said "it's o.k." It felt.... safe. I see now, I would have lived a very ghetto life, I probably never would have gotten ahead in my life. And this pregnancy has gotten me away from that lifestyle and I will be able to have the opportunity to live a better life than the ghetto life.

So why do I miss it? I know why. I was comfortable. I wasn't Ecstatic to be living that life, but it was simple. It wasn't really complicated. I just woke up, went to work every day, did my own thing and enjoyed myself. I thought I had people around me that were family. And instead I woke up one day and realized none of them were really my family at all. They were liars and back stabbers, because they really have nothing better to do with their lives. They want to make others hurt to make themselves feel better about themselves. I hope they all enjoy themselves. It's all they will ever have; shallowness, for the rest of their lives, no integrity.

I went back to some of my roots and ended up with people that dropped what they were doing to come help me. That's what family does. They don't play mind games with you, or treat you untrustingly. They know you, Really KNOW you, and will help you get where you want to be and support any decision you make. They don't question you unless it's to understand what you mean.

The dad had certain qualities I liked. And now I see it wasn't enough. Just like with my first ex, love wasn't enough. And now with my baby's dad not only did I already know that love wasn't enough, but now I also learned that qualities aren't enough either. I need a man with love and qualities. A man with both of those things won't lie to me. A man with both of those things won't hurt me. A man like that will want to keep my safe and not want to hurt me. This is what I need.

I'm not even going to begin to go on about what the baby needs, but I do know the baby Doesn't need a dad like the one that helped create it.